What Ruins Photography Tell Us about Relationships

The other day I was poking around on the Internet looking at what is sometimes called “ruin p*rn”—photographs of houses, buildings, amusement parks, and other man-made structures that have been abandoned and left to the elements. Some are well known, like Pripyat (Chernobyl) and parts of Detroit (Michigan Central Station), while others are well known only to those that know them well, like Okpo and Nara Dreamland.

Neglect Leads to Crumbling Structures

Is your relationship in ruins?

Is your relationship in ruins?

I find these ruins photos fascinating. These modern ghost towns speak to me not only as a remembrance of things past, but as a cautionary tale, a glimpse into a possible future. All these places were once bustling hubs of human activity, full of life and everyday drama. No one would have imagined weeds overtaking the lane where lovers once laughed as they strolled arm in arm. No one would have imagined a playground once echoing with the giggles and shrieks of boisterous children would one day have as its only sound rusty swings creaking as they sway in the moaning wind. Abandoned schools, once established to ensure civilization’s march of progress would continue with the next generation, now mock that progress with their peeling paint, broken windows, and crumbling walls.

It is characteristic of man’s hubris to suppose that his works, his monuments, his achievements will endure even long after he himself has returned to dust. The Caesars undoubtedly did not foresee the day when their far-flung empire would succumb and crumble to the barbaric hordes they had once conquered. We tend to think that past performance is indicative of future results, forgetting to take into account the most significant of all variables, the factor of human behavior.

The works of man are not only built up by man, they are brought down by him as well—often through neglect

More often than not, these works of man are not only built up by man, but they are brought down by him as well—not so much through cataclysmic and open destruction as one might suppose, but generally through a more subtle yet ultimately more insidious means—neglect. Properties that are cared for, structures that are maintained do not go to rack and ruin, even though they may be subject to intense use. It’s not the use, or even the abuse that causes these buildings to decay as much as it is the non-use.

In cases like Pripyat, a conscious decision is made to abandon. The beginning of neglect can be traced back to a specific point in time. The land becomes toxic, unsuitable for human habitation. In other cases, the place becomes inextricably linked with some tragedy, some horrific event, and people shy away, fleeing not only bad memories but also the taint of psychic contamination, as though tragedy will seek to destroy any and all who claim some physical connection to the land.

Relationships don't go to seed overnight.

Relationships don’t go to seed overnight.

Sometimes, though, circumstances change and people simply move on. The ghost towns of the American West bear testimony to this phenomenon, as the inhabitants packed up and left when the gold and silver ran out. A similar situation arose again in the 1930s as people living in the Dust Bowl had little choice but to leave what little they possessed and migrate to someplace more hospitable.

Regardless of the precipitating factor, this scenario plays out in the same manner: people leave, and nature takes over. Wind, rain, and sun do their thing to break down the structures, while weeds choke out any cultivation, ensuring the return of the wild, primitive state. Little by little, the traces of mankind are erased as nature reasserts its dominance in shockingly short order.

Neglect Leads to Crumbling Relationships

In layman’s terms, the Law of Entropy states if you don’t take care of your stuff, it will get ruined.

There is a greater principle at work here, sometimes called the Law of Entropy—a closed system goes from a high state of order to a high state of disorder. Energy from an external source must be introduced to the system to counteract the effects of degeneration. In layman’s terms, if you don’t take care of your stuff, if you neglect your stuff, it will get ruined. We can easily see how this is true with abandoned buildings, but we often fail to see this applies to human interactions as well. Enduring relationships don’t just happen, but rather are the result of effort and diligence. A relationship cannot thrive under neglect. Sometimes relationships must be abandoned because they are toxic, but more commonly they deteriorate gradually, victims of neglect rather than outright abuse or destruction. The antithesis of love is not hate as some suppose, but rather indifference. Unless a couple takes the time and effort to cultivate their relationship, it will surely wither from neglect, being damaged by adversity and/or choked by self-centeredness.

Neglect Leads to Crumbling Societies

Society must also be preserved against decay.

Society must also be preserved against decay.

The metaphor extends beyond the personal to society as a whole. Society, too, must take care that it does not succumb to indifference and neglect. For what is society but human relationships on a grand scale? A society that does not cultivate its morals, its ethics quickly finds itself sinking into a morass of callousness and barbarism. Neglect of societal values, shortsightedly labeling them “old fashioned,” “extremist,” or “intolerant,” ensures that that society will decay, rotting from the inside out. With minimal scrutiny, the society may appear sound, but closer examination reveals the damaged foundations, the moral rot that ultimately will cause the entire society to implode.

All these things run through my mind as I look at ruin p*rn. Will we let moral rot and decay take over civilization? Or will we wake up and preserve what remains? Have we neglected things to such a degree that rehabilitation is no longer possible? If so, we will have to raze the whole structure and start over from scratch, rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

Integrity: What Do You Do When Nobody’s Looking?

Integrity will keep you from making stupid decisions which you will later regret.

Integrity will keep you from making stupid decisions which you will later regret.

It’s been said that integrity is how you conduct yourself when no one is looking. In other words, part of being an upstanding person is doing right because you know it’s the proper thing to do, and not because somebody is watching you, or you’re afraid of getting caught. An individual who has integrity is a person who can be trusted to behave honorably and not bring shame upon himself or others by engaging in unethical or immoral activities.

Lack of Integrity: The Symptoms

Most people have enough of a conscience to do right if they know that their actions will be scrutinized. But how many will cut corners, how many will cheat if they think they can get away with it? Such people are wholly lacking in integrity. They are not trustworthy, because you are never certain if they are telling you the truth or trying to pull a fast one. People who lack integrity do not like it when the searchlight exposes them. It makes them uncomfortable, and they complain or try to shift the blame away from themselves. Like a stuck pig, they will squeal if you dare to hold them accountable for their misdeeds.

Lack of integrity may manifest itself in any number of ways: lying, making promises that can’t be kept, breaking vows, and being two-faced are among the most common, unfortunately. Cheating is another indication of a lack of integrity, and it is this manifestation I want to focus on here. Someone who cheats is a sneak. He never imagines he will be found out, and when he inevitably does get caught, he always seeks to justify his cheating: he deserves the award, it’s not fair that others have an advantage over him, it’s not his fault he can’t win without cheating, he’s only trying to get what he deems rightfully his, and so on. A cheater thinks his case is special, and hence the rules may be bent or broken to his benefit.

Cheating: The Consequences

But cheating is never justified. No system will ever be completely or perfectly fair, if for no other reason than it is implemented by fallible human beings. Two wrongs never make a right, and cheating, rather than compensating for any unfairness, only perpetuates the inequity: it is not fair to those who do not cheat, who play by the rules. A victory won by cheating is not a true victory; it is a tainted victory, a victory stolen from the honest and bestowed upon the dishonest. It is the epitome of injustice.

That’s what is disturbing about the Jackie Robinson West incident. The adults in charge of the team were wholly lacking in integrity, and their cheating brought shame upon not only themselves, but upon the children on the team, children who had nothing to do with the decision to cheat. The kids may have been innocent, but their victory is not: it is stained with dishonor, thanks to the unethical actions of the adults. The kids were let down by the very people who were supposed to guide them and be their role models.

Nor were the teammates of Jackie Robinson West the only victims of the adults’ lack of integrity—the teams who played fair and square had a legitimate victory stolen from them. The Las Vegas team, Mountain Ridge Little League, should have received the honors and accolades that come with making such a notable achievement. Where is their trip to Disneyland, their visit to the White House? They’ve been denied their fifteen minutes of fame.

Cheating: A Serious Problem

Some people might be tempted to say, “Well, what’s the big deal? It’s just a kids’ baseball game. So what?” Such a response, however, betrays a profound ignorance of the real issues at stake. Maybe baseball in and of itself is not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But the rest is.

Integrity is a big deal.

Honesty is a big deal.

Unfairness is a big deal.

Defrauding innocent people is a big deal.

Being an ethical role model is a big deal.

That’s the shame about the Jackie Robinson West cheating scandal. And the adults should have known better.

Investing Your Time Wisely

gold bars

Your time – more precious than gold

Many of us lead busy lives. We feel like there is so much to do, and consequently it’s easy to believe that there just isn’t enough time for us to do all the things we’d like to do, or need to do. The hard reality is that everybody has the same amount of time—24 hours a day. That’s 1,440 minutes, or 86,400 seconds every day. Some use this time to accomplish great things, while others just drift along and at the end of the day, they haven’t achieved anything except marking another X on their calendar. It’s not necessarily a question of being extremely organized (although that could help), nor is it a question of talent (although that doesn’t hurt, either).

Time is a gift – what will you do with it?

It is, however, important to recognize that time is a gift. For better or for worse, yesterday is a done deal, and none of us are guaranteed tomorrow—all we’ve got available is today. Consequently, we must ask ourselves: What will we do with the time we’ve been allotted? Will we fill our time with worthwhile pursuits, or will we fritter it away? Time is a valuable gift. And how we spend it makes all the difference in the world.

Do we sit down from time to time and ask ourselves if we are spending our time wisely? Whether we spend it wisely or not, it is gone forever. There is no recourse for getting back lost time. Are we spending our time on worthwhile or frivolous things? Will we have regrets at the end of the day, wishing we had done something else? When we reach the end of our lives, however long we have on this earth, will we have left this world a better place, or will we look back and say, “I wish I hadn’t spent so much time on ________”?

Of course, this question hinges on what we mean by “worthwhile.” How do you determine what is “worthwhile”? I believe an excellent way to frame the issue is to ask ourselves the following questions:

What is your treasure?

What is your treasure?

What gives my life meaning?

What do you truly treasure? Think of time as an investment—how do you invest your time? That which gives your life meaning is where you will spend your time, and it is by your time investment that other people will be able to determine what your “treasure” is. Outside of customary obligations (work, school, etc.), you will spend more time with your “treasure” than with anything else. For example, given a choice between spending time with your family and spending time at the golf course, what would you choose? Where is your treasure?

Is my focus inward or outward?

Is your time spent on “me, mine” and other selfish pursuits? Or is it spent in serving others, being a blessing to them, influencing them for the better, having a positive impact on them? Are your actions centered around building yourself up, or edifying others? Do you find plenty of time to veg out in front of the TV, but somehow you can’t set aside any time to help someone else? It doesn’t have to a big, sacrificial task—something simple, like a smile or kind word or even a note of encouragement, can brighten another person’s day.

How often do you take time out for personal growth and development?

How often do you take time out for personal growth and development?

Am I taken up by mindless escapism, or do I seek to improve myself?

Do you let your mind and soul feast on intellectual and spiritual junk food, or do you spend your time pursuing enrichment through personal growth and development? Which will make an impression on your life: some forgettable pulp fiction, or timeless literature? At the end of the day, will you really be a better person for having played Candy Crush and Farmville for hours on end?

We only have so much time available to us, no more and no less. Time cannot be saved or hoarded, only spent—the chief question is how: Will we spend it wisely, or squander it? If you want to leave a legacy that will last long after you’re gone, then, seek to make every minute count. Invest your time in that which is worthwhile, and make the most of it.